Disappointment

There are varying degrees of disappointment.

You go to the ice cream shop and they are all out of Rocky Road and you have to settle for Turtle Tracks. Disappointed? Of course you are.

On the other extreme, you are expecting something big and get next to nothing. It’s the classic ending to Christmas Vacation. Clark Griswold is expecting a huge Christmas bonus. He’s been planning on it, and has even started spending it. What did he get? Enrolled in the Jelly-of-the-Month Club. What follows can’t be repeated here, but suffice it to say after blowing his top, all Clark can lament is “Where’s the Tylenol?” Disappointed? Understatement of the century.

I had a disappointment last week. Our pastor is very fond of reminding us that when things go awry you will always speak out of the abundance of your heart (Luke 6:45). When you are faced with disappointment how you react shows a lot about your inward character. I must say I wasn’t very proud of myself this week.

It just seems that you can only take so much. Clark Griswold didn’t fly off the handle because this was his first disappointment. After a series of let-downs you just come to the tipping point, to borrow a marketing phrase. It’s the proverbial pressure cooker. It builds and builds and builds, and the whole time you are keeping your composure because you want to maintain the image that you have everything under control, but eventually it’s too much and the top blows right off and all that you had pent up inside you comes spewing out. Not a pretty picture.

Now, I’m not sure that in situations like this you are really showing your true colors. I mean, let’s face it, you did keep your composure all the other times you were disappointed. My question is how do you strike the balance? How do you express frustration without becoming a raving lunatic? Proverbs 29:11 says that “A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back (NKJV)”. So what is the answer?

The Hebrew word for “feelings” in the above verse is ruwach and has the connotation of spirit or, better, wind. Even more specifically, air or gas. It also has the connotation of vain or empty. You guessed it. The fool here is a windbag, or as we would say “full of hot air”. The other key word in the verse is “all”. Another inference we can make from the word ruwach is an uncontrollable impulse. Therefore, the fool is one who, without thinking it through or being careful, opens his mouth and lets everything uncontrollably come out of his mouth. It’s the action, not the attitude. A fool can have the most sincere motivation, but no discernment, so they say the first thing that comes to mind and keeps going without thinking.

For the answer we have to take a look at the second part of the verse. The proverb doesn’t just tell us who not to model, but tells who we should model. It tells us that the wise man holds back his feelings. Isn’t that contrary to everything we have ever learned though? Doesn’t modern psychology tell us that we need that venting in order to keep from blowing our top like Clark Griswold at the end of the movie? That we need a confidant that we can share all these feelings with? I don’t think that is what the proverb is saying at all.

Shabach is the Hebrew word used for the phrase “holds them back”. This is the only time that it is translated this way. It is translated more times as “praise”. Other words it is translated into that are similar are “glory” and “triumph”. What can we learn from this? I believe it’s all about PMA – Positive Mental Attitude. Not in the look-in-the-mirror-and-tell-yourself-that-you-believe-in-yourself attitude. If that is what you are doing, you are looking the wrong direction. The praise, glory, and triumph the word shabach implies is directed toward God. One other way the word is translated is “still” (where the connotation for “keep it in” comes into play). What does that mean? I think it means that our hearts need to be directed to God in quiet praise. We soothe our hearts by constant thankfulness to God for everything we have.

Why do we blow our top? Because we are focused too much on what we didn’t get instead of what we have. I didn’t get what I wanted this week, but I got something. Thank God. I didn’t get anything, but I already have enough. Thank God. I was wronged for no reason, but I’m alive and healthy. Thank God. I’ve had the carpet under my life ripped from underneath me, but I have people around me to help me. Thank God. No matter what is happening we have to constantly remind ourselves that in Christ we have something.

If you have never been to a Seder Feast you need to go to one. The Passover Seder is a Jewish ritual that commemorates the Exodus of the Jews from Egypt. During the Seder there is a section where praise is given to God for the favor He has shown us. There is a Hebrew word used in this section – dayenu. Dayenu means “it is sufficient”, or “it is enough”. Over and over again we are reminded that if God had only done one thing during the Exodus, it would have been enough. If God had only parted the sea, it would have been enough. If God only allowed the Jews to cross on dry land, it would have been enough. If God had only fed them manna, it would have been enough. All of these blessings are recounted as a way to show how God did abundantly more. But it’s the attitude to take notice of here. If God had only done one of these things, it would have been enough! Can you share that attitude? If God only gave you shelter, would it be enough? If God only gave you food for today, would it be enough? If God gave you a portion of what you were expecting (or thought you deserved), would it be enough? That is our problem – we constantly doubt our Heavenly Father who provides us everything, but somehow it’s still not enough for us!

If you want to know why you are constantly disappointed, and why every expectation you have is not met, look at your heart. Are you in constant quiet praise for what God has done for you, or are you constantly grumbling in your heart that you don’t have enough so that it eventually comes to a head and you erupt like a volcano? It is this kind of positive mental attitude that will keep you from disappointment. In this life, God has given you something. Rest in the fact that no matter what it is, it is enough.